I recently ran into a very ugly version of this, so here is a little rant about the whole concept of “Breaking the sub / slave / …”.

I totally get where it comes from. Yes, in a well written non-consentual fantasy the concept might be really hot. But then again – it’s a fantasy, not reality. Spreading your arms and being able to fly might sound nice in a book, but you don’t jump of the next tall building afterward, do you?

I leave the moral aspects completely aside for this, it should go without saying that if you think betraying the trust of your sub and hurting them is OK, you need therapy.

So why would I ever want to break my subs? My subs are mine. I’m proud of them. And if you don’t do it for the joy of seeing your subs grow – do it for selfishness. Or don’t you enjoy having someone strong, successful, and in control submitting to you?

I like this analogy: If I give you a horse, do you choose the broken mare or the racehorse? Exactly! It’s the same with subs. They represent their dom. If you go to a party, do you want your sub to be broken and unable to talk with anyone? Or do you want someone smart, who engages with people and impresses them? Don’t you like to hear compliments?

But even more important for me: Control. I love control. And I want as much control as I can have (within consent and making it work in their life). There is this myth that you can “break” or “brainwash” someone. You can’t. There is a lot of material about the brainwashing shit different secret services did in the 50’s and 60’s. (But please go with the real scientific papers and ignore the conspiracy bs). TL;DR: No matter how inhumane the experiments were – they never, never achieved loyalty.

And that’s the thing. Loyalty. Just think about it, someone who obeys because they are scared can never be remotely as effective as someone who wants to do it, someone who puts their whole being into the task. Someone who is scared is… well – scared. They will always second guess themselves, scared to do something wrong, and in the end block themselves.

But if you have someone who wants you to control them, because they learned to trust you, learned that you take good care of them now matter how vulnerable they are, it’s a very different story. Someone who’s trust you earned, who can let really go with you and enjoys being weak and vulnerable with you. You will have control over them on a level that seems almost magical. And yes, I mean it. If you have this level of rapport, you don’t need hypnosis. You can just suggest anything you want, and it will happen. It is magic.

And yet, it’s not something you can take from someone by force. It doesn’t matter how much you hurt them physically or emotionally. It doesn’t matter how much you damage their psyche. It doesn’t matter how much of an asshole you are.

There is only one way to get it: Earn it.

It’s as simple as that.

And luckily it’s the only way. No matter how much you sweet-talk the conscious mind, the subconscious only allows someone to take control if they really help you grow, if they do something positive.

If you’re a sub looking for a dom, and a potential dom talks about this shit (using any of the gazillion euphemisms for it), run don’t walk away and find someone useful.

Be safe, play safe, have fun!

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